Mello
by Insanity-L
Summary: Matt's last thoughts before his death. Read and Review. - Insanity-L


**Hello, and welcome. This is Insanity-L. You may call me Insanity, L or Miyu. I just came out hear to say hello, I love you if you read my fics. Death Note does NOT belong to me and if it did Matt, Mello and L wouldn't have died. So here... These are my take on Matt's last thoughts before he died in the anime. So I hope you enjoy, Review and maybe I'll give you Mello's thoughts. Goodbye, for now.**

**Hey, Its Insanity, I'm, at this moment, editing this and changing a little bit. Okay, so for you new comers; welcome and I have Mello's thoughts posted up and I'll be editing them later, and you should read my other story, and review, becaausse thats the only way I update, to update a story I must have two reviews per chapter. And to you who have read this before, Its not really changing much, just fixing some things n.n So review.**

The tires are screeching in protest, I know the road is in front of me and the sleek black cars are behind me and all I can do is think about how this is the last thing I'll be doing...

Mello said we'd make it out alive, both of us. But we both knew there was no coming back the moment I got in this damned red death trap. I hate sports cars, or cars in _general_ actually, I prefer games. Why did we chose such a flashy car as a getaway car anyway? It seemed like a legit idea before I was being followed- or chased rather - to my death.

I speed through turns. I hate this. I want to go home, back to my little shitty apartment back in LA. I just want to wake up from this bullshit nightmare and play some Pokémon, I had the best party. But I wont get to go back to my shitty apartment, or wake up to my phone ringing in the middle of the night-Morning- because Mello wanted a chocolate bar. No I don't get to go home.

Why did I even decide to do this? Why did I sentence myself to death? Why did I chose the red car? Why did my hands keep itching to pull out the stupid chocolate bar out of my pocket? Why do I keep asking myself when the clear answer is all the same thing... all the same person... Mello.

I did this because its what Mello desired of me. I wanted to die for Mello, do anything he asked. Mello said he liked the red car, so I chose the red car. And the god-forsaken candy bar in my pocket was Mello's "insurance" that he'd come back for me... I wanted to believe that he really would come back for me and I'd still be alive, but that was just wishful thinking, wasn't it?

I inhaled the smoke from the cigarette on my lips. I'd nearly forgoten its existence... I didn't want to do this, I just should have said no. I should never have read the note from Mello after he disappeared for a while. I should have burned it. I should have ranaway from him the way he did me when he got pissed when the real L died. I should have hung up the phone when he wanted me to come get him when he blew up the mafia base. I should have just let him die... I'm lying. I couldn't have. I never would leave him out there alone. Not like he did me.

I tried to get him to listen to me back when we were kids, I tried to tell him being second-best was okay when he was first in my book but nothing I did or said mattered to Mello back then and it doesn't matter now. He's still just as obsessed with beating Near at something. And beating Near was the only thing that he couldn't get, so other than that, Mello did and got what he wanted... Always, and I made sure of that.

I made sure Mello got what he wanted because I was selfish. I loved Mello and I wanted him to love me, but Mello could care less about my exsistence unless it benifitted him- and strangely enough- I was okay with it. It was fine because I loved him in the most selfish of ways that when he used me, I'd pretend it was out of a similar love. A love we shared together. A love that would never exist because I am just another of Mello's expendable tools and today... we both die.

But I only fooled myself and put myself in this position... and I was okay with it. I think. No... I wasn't. I should have ran... I put more pressure on the gas and a tear slipped out of my eye and stayed in my goggles, completely unnoticable under my orange tinted goggles. I tried to run from my thoughts but the bodyguards were catching up on me, the were so close to catching me. No. I couldn't let them. I can't let them get me. I had to see Mello. I _HAVE _to.

Mello. I had to get back to him. I had to see him again. He would want his chocolate bar back from me, dead or alive. He'll be mad if I die. I don't want Mello angry with me... even if I wont be there to see him angry... I have to see Mello.

I saw black cars in front of me and the two behind me. The car spun and jerked to a stop. _So... those cars got a head of me, huh? How many damned bodyguards does one woman need anyway? _The men held their guns... all directed at me. I took a deep breath and let myself be filled with confidence- confidence that only belonged to Mello... Confidence I have to borrow.

I kicked the door opened and stood- hands up- "Hey, c'mon, give me a break." _I really wish my DS was in my hand... _"Since when were the Japanese allowed to carry around such big guns?" _Please don't shoot me. I have to get back to Mello._ "You got me, I'm part of this whole kidnapping incident." _Don't kill me. I just want to make Mello happy._ "That means you'll have a lot of questions to ask." _Please take the bait so I can go find Mello._ "You wont shoot." _Yes they will..._ and they do.

I hear the shooting but I dont feel it. I feel numb, broken. I don't care that I'm being pierced with bullets. I can't feel the pain of the bullets passing through me, but... I know they are. All I feel is the pain in my heart because this means... this means I don't get to see Mello again. The bullets pierced me again and again, but now all I can hear is Mello's angry voice in my mind. He's calling me a moron and an idiot, he's telling me I fucked up his plan. He is scolding me for being so cocky and careless with my choice of words. Dammit I failed... I failed Mello...

The sounds are growing faint but I still hear the clinking noise of the shells hitting the ground. I fell straight back against the car. I couldn't move or breath or anything. My head felt like it was floating. My cigarette fell out of my mouth as my last world bubbled at my lips...

_Mello_


End file.
